I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
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