I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
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