I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
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