question: masturbation: how much is too much? I think i'm about to tip toe a fine line
I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
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