My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
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