I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
Randomize
