my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
Terrible. Enormous nipples with a small ring of boob on the outside. It looked like a tittie eclipse
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
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