My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
Randomize
