It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
Randomize
