dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
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