just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
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