my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
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