Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
Randomize
