You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
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