I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
new midget porn idea. Wizard of Jizz: Munchkins Revenge
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
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