Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
Randomize
