i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
Randomize
