He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
Randomize
