he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
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