what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
Randomize
