I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
they need to just BURY HIM!
you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
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