You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
Randomize
