yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
I feel like a drive thru vagina
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
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