My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
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