sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
Randomize
