dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
I wish my new phone didn't autocorrect so well. People will never experience the magic of my drunk texts because they think I'm making a coherent statement.
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
Randomize
