Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
She's the barista slut.
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
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