Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
Randomize
