he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
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