I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
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