so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
Randomize
