I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
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