stupid gm bankruptcy made me miss the showcase showdown
Those cock suckers. We need to know who's winning the hot tub and the vacation to the alps
my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
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