You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
Randomize
