Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
Randomize
