Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
Randomize
