one might say we're banned from that church
We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
Randomize
