you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
Help me help you realize you are a moron
Pants are for mortals
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
Randomize
