Me. At least after what I've been through.
If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
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