I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
Randomize
