My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
Randomize
