I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
Randomize
