Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
Randomize
