Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
Randomize
