I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
Randomize
