I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
Randomize
