Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
Randomize
