That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
For sure. We should see if we can get Mike to pay for one, and have a triple kegger... :o==& (that's future me projectile vomiting. i try to be goal oriented)
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
Randomize
