I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
Randomize
