I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
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