Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
