All I know is that if italians start TIME TRAVELLING were all in a lot of trouble paizon
i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
It's no shave November. This is our time.
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
Randomize
