We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
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